In 1717, a sharp-tongued writer named Voltaire — real name François-Marie Arouet — found himself locked up in the infamous Bastille prison in Paris. His crime? Running his mouth a little too freely about the French elite. At just 23 years old, Voltaire had already gained a reputation for being clever, bold, and dangerously outspoken. When he wrote a satirical poem mocking Philippe II, the Duke of Orléans, who was ruling France at the time, the powerful Duke didn’t take kindly to the jokes — and had him thrown in jail without trial.

Voltaire spent nearly a year behind those cold stone walls — from May 16, 1717, to April 1718. But instead of sulking, he made use of the time. While imprisoned, he started working on his first major play, Oedipe, which would go on to be a success once he was released. It was the beginning of a lifelong fight against censorship, injustice, and authoritarian power, all delivered with a little bit of wit.

The Bastille wasn’t just a prison — it was a symbol of absolute monarchy and oppression. Getting locked up there meant the crown saw you as a threat. But Voltaire wore it like a badge of honor. His time inside only boosted his reputation as a rebellious intellectual who wasn’t afraid to call out hypocrisy, even if it meant risking his freedom.

That first stay in the Bastille wouldn’t be his last brush with punishment, but it helped forge the philosopher he would become. Voltaire went on to become one of the most important voices of the Enlightenment, championing free speech, reason, and civil liberties. But it all really started in 1717, when a young writer's jokes landed him in chains — and lit a fire that would burn through the old order.

In 1911, deep in the La Chapelle-aux-Saints cave in southwestern France, a group of priests made a discovery that would shake up the story of human history — the almost complete skeleton of a Neanderthal man. Up to that point, Neanderthals were still a mystery to science, with only a few bone fragments found here and there. But this was different — this was a well-preserved skeleton, buried deliberately in the ground, and it told us more than ever before about these ancient cousins of ours.

The remains were studied by French paleontologist Marcellin Boule, who described the figure as stooped, brutish, and primitive — pretty much fueling the old stereotype that Neanderthals were more beast than man. Boule’s interpretation stuck for decades, painting Neanderthals as hunched-over cavemen barely above apes. But later scientists would come to see he’d gotten it wrong — arthritis and age had affected the posture of the skeleton, not some primitive trait.

More importantly, the burial itself was groundbreaking. It suggested that Neanderthals practiced burial rituals, a sign of complex thinking, culture, and maybe even belief in an afterlife. This wasn’t just some old bones tossed in a hole — it was a careful laying-to-rest, the kind of thing that hints at emotion and community. That one skeleton opened the door to a whole new view of who Neanderthals really were.

Since that find in 1911, more Neanderthal sites have been uncovered across Europe and Asia, showing they weren’t just primitive survivors — they were toolmakers, hunters, and social beings. The man found in La Chapelle-aux-Saints helped rewrite the book on early humans, proving that sometimes, the past isn’t as simple as it first seems. One old cave, one dusty skeleton, and suddenly the human family tree got a whole lot more interesting.

Ancient Execution🐛
In ancient Persia, if you really made the wrong enemies — say, committed treason — you might end up sentenced to scaphism, a punishment so horrific it makes every other execution method look like a nap. Here’s how it allegedly worked: The condemned was strapped between two hollowed-out logs or boats, leaving their head, hands, and feet sticking out. Then they were force-fed milk and honey (a lot of it) — which caused severe diarrhea. Their entire body was smeared in honey, especially the exposed parts. Then they were left to float on a stagnant pond or in the sun, where insects would swarm, lay eggs, and slowly eat the person alive, both inside and out. The process could take days — sometimes weeks — of slow, agonizing death by dehydration, infection, and bugs.🪳🌞🛶

Self Mummification🧘
In Japan, a group of Buddhist monks called the Shingon practiced something that sounds impossible (and deeply unsettling): self-mummification. Known as sokushinbutsu, it was seen as a path to ultimate enlightenment — and yes, it involved mummifying themselves… while still alive. Here’s how it worked:
Monks followed a strict, years-long regimen to gradually starve and preserve their bodies:

1. For 1,000 days, they ate a special diet of nuts, seeds, and tree bark to eliminate body fat.
2. They drank a tea made from toxic sap to help kill off bacteria and repel insects.
3. In the final phase, they were sealed in a small stone tomb, barely large enough to sit cross-legged, with only a bamboo tube for air.
4. The monk meditated until death. Once they stopped ringing a bell daily to signal they were still alive, the tomb was sealed completely.

Years later, if their body hadn’t decayed, they were declared a living Buddha — mummified by willpower, ritual, and sheer devotion. 🧘‍♂️🪦

Crown Jewels💎
According to a long-standing (and very specific) rumor, Prince Albert — beloved husband of Queen Victoria — may have sported a rather unexpected accessory: a penis piercing. Yes, really. The so-called “Prince Albert piercing” is said to be named after him, based on claims that he wore a ring to tuck things discreetly in tight trousers, as was fashionable in the Victorian era. Supposedly, it kept his silhouette “neat” under form-fitting pants. But here’s the thing: there’s zero historical evidence this ever happened. No letters, no diary entries, no shocked tailors. Most historians think the story likely originated in the 1970s, when body modification culture started reviving old-sounding names to give things more... royal flair. So, did the real Prince Albert actually have the piercing? Probably not. Did the myth endure anyway? Absolutely. Fact or fiction, the legend still hangs around 💍👀

A Slimy Joke🐍
Elagabalus, one of Rome’s most notorious emperors (and that’s saying something), ruled in the 3rd century CE — and if the ancient sources are even halfway true, he loved chaos as much as power. One of his most infamous party tricks? Releasing live snakes into crowds — just for fun. At public games and banquets, he reportedly had baskets of snakes tossed into the audience, turning a night of entertainment into full-on panic. Imagine watching a chariot race and suddenly being surrounded by slithering, very confused reptiles. Some say he thought it was hilarious. Others think he just really liked watching people run screaming. Either way, it’s peak “I rule Rome and I’m bored” energy. 🐍🏛️🤦‍♂️

If you enjoy this edition of Today In History be sure to send it to a friend and force them to sign up because that’s what good friends do. Until next time, stay curious, question everything, and keep uncovering the mysteries of the past.