
TODAY IN HISTORY | March 17th
Welcome to another edition of Today In History, where we explore the history, conspiracies, and the mysteries that have shaped our world.
⚔️🏛️ First, in 45 B.C., Julius Caesar won his last battle at Munda, securing his control over Rome. This wasn’t just any victory—it was the final battle of Caesar’s civil war, where he defeated the last of Pompey’s supporters in Spain. The fight was brutal, and for the first time, Caesar had to personally step in to rally his troops. When the dust settled, he was the undisputed ruler of Rome. But the win didn’t buy him much time—just a year later, he was assassinated on the Ides of March. Turns out, winning battles is one thing, but surviving Roman politics? Whole different ball game.
🏴☠️☘️ Then, in 432, a teenage St. Patrick was kidnapped by pirates and sold into slavery in Ireland. Before he became Ireland’s patron saint, Patrick was just a 16-year-old kid in Roman Britain, minding his own business when Irish raiders snatched him up. He spent six years as a slave, working as a shepherd in total isolation before escaping. But instead of holding a grudge, he later returned to Ireland as a missionary, determined to spread Christianity. His legacy became so legendary that today, people celebrate him by wearing green, drinking heavily, and pretending they’re Irish for a day. Funny how history works
p.s.—there’s a NEW Quiz at the bottom of this newsletter
Let’s dive into some history!⛺️

TODAY’S TOPICS
45 B.C. - Julius Caesars Final Victory
432 - Origins of St. Patricks Day
Extras
Churchill v.s. NYC Traffic🚗
Vikings Beaty Standard👱🏻
“No One” Ate Cake🎂
Isaac Newton’s Dog🐕

45 B.C. Julius Caesar’s Final Victory🔥
It’s March 17, 45 B.C., and Julius Caesar’s out in Spain, chasing down the last big fight of his career. He’s already Rome’s top dog—he’s conquered Gaul, crossed the Rubicon, taken on Pompey—but some of Pompey’s sons, Gnaeus and Sextus, are still causing trouble. They’ve rounded up an army near Munda, hoping to knock Caesar off the throne. Caesar’s got his troops lined up—some battle-tested, some fresh off the ranks—but he’s ready to settle this once and for all.

Julius Caesar
The battle kicks off, and it’s a mess—tens of thousands clashing, swords swinging, dust everywhere. Caesar’s outnumbered, maybe 40,000 against 50,000 or more, and for a minute, it looks like defeat—his troops waver, and he’s got to jump in himself, yelling and rallying them. Then his cavalry swings around, hits the enemy’s weak spot, and boom—the Pompey boys’ line breaks. Gnaeus gets killed in the chaos, Sextus bolts, and Caesar’s left standing with something like 30,000 dead enemies. It’s his last win, and he’s untouchable now—or so he thinks.

After Munda, things quiet down fast. Caesar heads back to Rome, victorious, piling up titles like “Dictator for Life” and soaking in the cheers. He’s got big plans—reforms, a new calendar—but the win at Munda doesn’t sit well with everyone. Some senators start grumbling; they’re tired of his power grab, and knives are getting sharpened behind his back (literally). Sextus is still out there, too, but Caesar’s too busy celebrating to worry much.

The Assassination of Julius Caesar
March 17, 45 B.C., Caesar steps onto the battlefield for the last time, sealing his legacy in blood with one final victory. It’s a wild moment—proof he could still pull it off, even with the odds stacked against him. But it’s bittersweet; less than a year later, those knives come out on the Ides of March, and he’s done. Next time you’re feeling on top of the world, remember Caesar—wins don’t always mean you’re safe
🤖 Ai Depiction of Event

On To The Next Story!!!

432 Origins of St. Patricks Day
Now let’s move on to 432, when a teenage kid named Patrick was just living a quiet life in Roman Britain—probably somewhere near the coast, maybe dreaming of something bigger. He’s 16, son of a church deacon, not exactly a tough guy. Then one day, out of nowhere, Irish pirates raid his town. They’re rough, fast, and not here to chat—Patrick’s grabbed, tossed on a ship with other captives, and hauled off to Ireland. It’s a bad day to be him.

The ship lands, and Patrick’s sold into slavery—bam, just like that, he’s a shepherd for some Irish chieftain. He’s stuck tending sheep on windy hills, cold and alone, no idea if he’ll ever get home. Six years go by, and he’s got nothing but time to think—starts praying a lot, finding some faith in the mess. Then one night, he hears a voice telling him to leave—God? His gut? Who knows. He bolts, hikes 200 miles to a port, and talks his way onto a ship heading out—free at last.

16 year old Patrick being taken
Patrick makes it back to Britain, reunites with his family, and could’ve just stayed put—nice, safe life, right? But he’s changed—those years in Ireland stick with him. He trains as a priest, gets visions about going back to help the Irish, and decides to return. The pirates are long gone, but the place still feels raw—pagan tribes, no churches, a far different life than back home. He’s not running away this time; he’s walking right back in.

Just a happy leprechaun
That pirate raid around 432 kicks off St. Patrick’s wild ride, turning a scared kid into the guy we toast on March 17. It’s a crazy start—snatched by raiders, then choosing to go back and spread Christianity. Ireland ends up loving him—whether the snake snatching story is true or not — and he’s their patron saint forever. Next time life throws you a curveball, think of Patrick; he turned a rough break into a legacy.
🤖 Ai Depiction of Event




Churchill v.s. NYC Traffic🚗
In 1931, Winston Churchill—future British Prime Minister—was hit by a car while crossing Fifth Avenue in New York City. Not used to American traffic rules, Churchill looked the wrong way before stepping into the street and was struck by a car. He suffered a head injury, fractured ribs, and severe bruising but miraculously survived. Always one to find a silver lining, Churchill later joked about the incident and even used it as an excuse to drink alcohol during Prohibition—on "medical grounds."

Vikings Beauty Standard👱🏻
Despite the stereotype of Vikings as natural blondes, many actually dyed their hair lighter—because in Scandinavian culture, blonde hair was considered more attractive. To achieve the look, Vikings used a highly alkaline soap made from wood ash and animal fat, which not only lightened hair but also helped fight lice. Some men even bleached their beards to match. So while Vikings were known for raiding and conquering, they also had a solid haircare routine.

“No One” Ate Cake🎂
The infamous phrase “Let them eat cake” (Qu’ils mangent de la brioche) is often attributed to Marie Antoinette, but there’s no evidence she ever said it. The quote first appeared in Jean-Jacques Rousseau’s writings—years before Marie Antoinette was even queen. Historians believe it was likely propaganda used to paint her as out-of-touch and indifferent to France’s starving poor. While she did live a life of luxury, she wasn’t quite the villain the revolutionaries made her out to be. Either way, the French Revolution wasn’t serving cake—it was serving guillotines.

Isaac Newton’s Dog🐕
Legend has it that Isaac Newton’s dog, Diamond, knocked over a candle in his lab, sparking a fire that destroyed years of research. Supposedly, upon seeing the damage, Newton sighed and said: "Oh, Diamond, Diamond, thou little knowest the mischief thou hast done!" But… did it actually happen? Historians doubt it. There’s no solid evidence Newton even had a dog, and the story likely came from later embellishments. Still, whether true or not, it remains one of history’s most famous (and tragic) pet-related accidents.
Pop Quiz 📝

🚘What is the name of the first car ever made?
Historical Would You Rather?

Would you rather be a Viking Raider or a Medieval Knight?
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