
TODAY IN HISTORY | May 9th
Welcome to another edition of Today In History, where we explore the history, conspiracies, and the mysteries that have shaped our world.
Let’s dive into some history!🌎

TODAY’S TOPICS
1671 - “Colonel Blood” Steals Crown Jewels
1950 - L. Ron Hubbard’s Dianetics
Extras
Trust Fall🎈
Tameshigiri Practice⚔️
The First X-Ray🩻
Fish Bladder Condom🐟

1671 Colonel Blood Steals Crown Jewels
In 1671, an Irishman named Thomas Blood — better known as “Colonel Blood” — pulled off one of the wildest heists in British history. Dressed like a parson, or a priest, and acting the part, Blood strolled right into the Tower of London with a small crew and a whole lot of nerve. Their target? Not money, not land — but the Crown Jewels of England themselves. These were the real deal: the St. Edward’s Crown, the Sceptre, and the Orb — symbols of royal power and priceless national treasures.

Blood had been casing the joint for weeks, charming the jewel keeper, an old man named Talbot Edwards, by pretending to be interested in marrying his fictional "nephew" to Edwards' daughter. On the morning of May 9, Blood showed up with his men, knocked Edwards out cold, and got to work. They smashed the crown flat with a mallet to hide it under a coat, stuffed the orb down somebody’s pants, and broke the sceptre in half for easy carrying. Problem was — they didn’t get far.

Right as they were trying to slip away, Edwards came to and started hollering. The thieves were chased down and captured just outside the tower walls. Everyone figured Blood would be executed on the spot — but here’s where the story gets even stranger. Instead of hanging him, King Charles II not only pardoned Blood, but gave him land in Ireland and let him go free. To this day, nobody knows exactly why — some say the king admired his boldness, others think Blood had secrets that made him too dangerous to silence.

Queen Elizabet
No matter the reason, Colonel Blood became a legend — not for getting away with it, but for trying and somehow landing on his feet. The Crown Jewels were restored and are still guarded today in the Tower of London, but Blood’s attempted theft remains one of the boldest stunts in royal history. It’s not every day a man beats prison by stealing from the king and getting rewarded for it.
🤖 Ai Depiction of Event

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1950 L. Ron Hubbard’s ‘Dianetics’
In 1950, a science fiction writer named L. Ron Hubbard dropped a book that would end up changing a whole lot more than just people’s reading lists. The book was called “Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health,” and Hubbard claimed it was the key to clearing the mind of all its pain and baggage. He wasn’t just pitching a self-help book — he was laying the foundation for a whole new belief system.

Hubbard’s big idea in Dianetics was that the human mind had two parts: the “analytical mind,” which thinks and solves problems, and the “reactive mind,” which stores pain and trauma like scars. He said folks could get rid of that trauma through a process called “auditing,” where a trained listener would help people re-experience and clear painful memories, called “engrams.” Once those were gone, Hubbard claimed, you’d reach a state called “Clear” — basically a super-sharp, unshakable version of yourself.

L. Ron Hubbard
The book sold fast — real fast. It hit the New York Times bestseller list and got a lotta folks talking, from everyday people to doctors and scientists. But it also drew plenty of criticism. Medical professionals called it pseudoscience, and Hubbard’s claims didn’t hold up under serious scientific scrutiny. Still, he had struck a nerve with the public. In just a year or so, Dianetics groups were popping up all over the country.

When the original movement started to fade, Hubbard pivoted. By 1954, he’d taken the core ideas of Dianetics and used them to start a full-on religion: The Church of Scientology. But it all began in 1950, with one book, a bold claim, and a promise to clear the mind and unlock human potential. Whether you see it as revolutionary or controversial, there’s no doubt Dianetics kicked off one of the most talked-about belief systems of the modern era.
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Trust Fall🎈
In the 1800s, a daring woman took a ride in a hot air balloon — which was peak thrill-seeking for the time — only for things to go very wrong. During the flight, she fell from the balloon mid-air... and somehow survived by landing in a haystack. The fall should’ve been fatal. No parachute, no soft landing gear — just pure luck and a very conveniently placed pile of hay. Reports from the time say she walked away with minor injuries, which honestly makes her the unofficial patron saint of improbable landings. It's one of those stories that sounds made-up, but haystacks really were considered early emergency cushioning — not a great plan, but better than hard ground🎈🌾

Tameshigiri Practice⚔️
Samurai swords weren’t just for show — and neither was their training. To prove the sharpness of a blade and the skill of the swordsman, samurai practiced tameshigiri, or test cutting. And while today it’s done on rolled-up tatami mats, back in the day… it was done on actual human corpses. Specifically, the bodies of executed criminals were used for these tests. Samurai would slice through limbs, torsos, even multiple stacked bodies, aiming to demonstrate the sword’s power — and sometimes even engraving the results on the blade itself, like a bloody Yelp review. These tests weren’t just morbid ways of showing off — they were respected evaluations of a blade’s craftsmanship and the user’s precision. So yes: in feudal Japan, being a criminal didn’t just get you executed — it might also land you a posthumous role in a very sharp science experiment. ⚔️☠️🏯

The First X-Ray🩻
In 1895, German physicist Wilhelm Röntgen took the world’s first medical X-ray, and his test subject? His wife’s hand. The image captured her bones and, most creepily, her wedding ring, glowing like some haunted skeleton jewel. When she saw it, she reportedly gasped and said: “I have seen my own death.” Fair reaction. She wasn’t alone in feeling uneasy — early X-rays were equal parts science and spookshow. People lined up to peek inside themselves, but no one quite understood the radiation risks yet, and the whole “bone visibility” thing was pretty freaky for the 19th century.☠️💍📸

Fish Bladder Condom🐟
Before latex, before rubber, and long before convenience stores, people got very creative about birth control — including making condoms out of fish bladders. In ancient times through the Middle Ages, folks in parts of Europe and Asia used animal membranes — like bladders, intestines, or skin — to fashion crude but functional sheaths. Fish bladders were especially popular because they were thin, flexible, and somewhat durable (plus... available). These early condoms weren’t just about birth control — they were also used to prevent disease, particularly in brothels and among soldiers. They weren’t super comfortable (or subtle), but they got the job done — and set the stage for centuries of awkward but determined innovation. Proof that when it came to safe sex, even the ancients said: “Better fishy than risky.” 🐟

Pop Quiz 📝
What powerful female ruler called herself “the Pharaoh” of Egypt? 🐍

Would You Rather?🧐
Be a knight during the Crusades...OR...Be a warrior defending Jerusalem?
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